The Oregon Trail is a 1971 video game that is infamous for its difficulty and the likelihood your character will die of dysentery. Now, a browser version is out that gives you the stomach sickness right from the start, and the new challenge is managing it while out on the trail.
You Have Not Died of Dysentery is a hilarious take on the original game complete with pixel art and 8-bit music. Hygiene standards weren’t very good back in the old days, so you get dysentery before you even set off on the trail. You have to stock up on clothes, food, ammo, Oxen, and toilet paper before setting off if you’ve got any chance of not pooping yourself to death.
Once on the trail, you’ll have to stop every few miles to relieve yourself. When you do, there’s a lovely view of the pixelated landscape for you to marvel at. You may have dysentery, but at least the country you’re trekking through is beautiful.
The warnings that pop up on screen are hilarious. “Feels like a bunch of ducks having a fit down there,” reads one. “There’s some real thunderation happening down there,” states another.
On top of that, everyone you meet remarks on how ill you look and how terrible you smell. It seems that even if you pull over for a number two as often as the game will allow you and keep well-supplied with toilet paper, you just can’t keep fully clean.
For a free-to-play browser game it’s a great time, and I’d recommend giving it a go to experience a reimagined slice of one of the most famous games of all time. There’s also a variation of the game in American Truck Simulator that turns the peaceful driving sim into a horror game.
Or, check out our list of the best retro games of all time.
